Overcoming the Fear of Sharing Yourself Online (and how to approach being visible in a more gentle way)

Anyone who has started a business, especially if you’re doing it alone, has felt the deep fear of sharing themselves and becoming visible online.

I still remember the first article I ever published on Soul and Self. It felt like such a big thing to hit publish on that article, even though I literally hadn’t shared my website with anyone, and in reality, no-one was going to see it.

I remember showing it to my neighbour at the time, and cringing while she read it, feeling waves of embarrassment, discomfort and even shame.

When she told me she had showed it to a friend, I felt even more exposed- even though the whole point of setting up a business/blog was to have other people see my work!

Yet this was something that happened for quite a while, in different ways.

When I set up an Instagram account for Soul and Self, I didn’t connect the account with any friends/family/contacts. But even after doing this, and putting my profile on private, it felt intense to post, and I held back a lot.

In retrospect, and now that I’ve worked with other women setting up businesses, I’ve noticed that a fear of visibility online comes up around two main things.

1) The fear of doing something outside the norm. Something that isn’t as “mainstream”, that isn’t readily accepted in our world.

2) The fear of not having the authority or being enough of an “expert” to share (a sort of imposter syndrome that makes us think “Who are we to speak on this? Who are we to create this?”)

For a lot of feminine souls, these two fears are exemplified even more, as often our businesses are something different from what we used to do, so we’re still developing confidence in our offerings (as well as developing confidence in the idea of moving from employee to business owner).

Our businesses are often in the realm of something more unconventional or creative than what we’ve been taught is the “right” or “sensible” route to success/money/security/social acceptance- something that causes our subconscious to believe that we’re “not allowed” to follow our desires.

And usually, we have a deep sense of integrity around not trying to present ourselves as more knowledgeable and “expert” than we actually are. The whole “fake it till you make it” mantra just feels off to our souls, and presenting ourselves as some-one we’re not feels manipulative.

Which means that if you’re a sensitive, feminine soul setting up a new business on your own, the fear of visibility can be intense- and sometimes even debilitating, leading you into freeze mode (which looks like overwhelm, procrastination, perfectionism, inaction, self doubt and wanting to give up)

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When I was grappling with this, I noticed that a lot of the rhetoric around being visible (especially in the business coaching space) was that this fear was something that needed to be “overcome” if you were to make it in your business.

But looking back, I completely disagree.

I think that taking on this BELIEF, that we can’t be successful until we push ourselves into uncomfortable levels of visibility, can hold us back in our business.

Because in reality, becoming visible in what we wish to ofter the world, is an ongoing process that requires compassion for ourselves, an understanding of the external energetics and projections that we are operating within, and an acceptance that we have our own pace, preferences and needs around our level of visibility online. When we get rid of the belief that we need to do things a certain way (eg be confident and visible everywhere, even where it feels unsafe) we can choose a more empowering belief that allows us to take action and create results where we are.

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I remember a mentor I was looking to work with once said to me when I was sharing my fears around being seen, “It’s none of your business what other people think of you.”

And while I understand this at a mental level, I also know that this doesn’t matter if our nervous system and sensitivities tell us otherwise.

Because what often tends to happen when we fear visibility (which in essence, is the fear of how others will respond to us), is that we retreat. We think that we can’t run a business until we are healed from this fear, and we stop sharing ourselves. Which mean we are unable to build up confidence in our work, starting the cycle of fear and imposter syndrome again.

What I learnt from my own experience with being seen online, is that I needed to slowly build on my capacity for visibility, healing the fears in a sustainable way.

Because when I shamed myself for not being confident enough, or tried to pretend that I was some-one or somewhere I wasn’t, I felt yuck and out of integrity.

And when I thought that I could only move forward if I healed this fear, I became trapped in inaction and procrastination, thinking that I had to shift things BEFORE I could take action. Which meant I was waiting for some big shift that just didn’t happen, because the catalyst for the shift was actually taking action!

What DID help me to overcome my fear of visibility was this.

1. Honouring my fears

I began to understand that setting up a business, on my own, in an unconventional field that wasn’t readily understandable, was a big leap, and it was okay to feel fear. I didn’t need to get rid of the fear immediately. Instead, I could allow it to be there. I could take my time, and allow my nervous system to gently catch up, instead of berating myself for not doing things quickly enough.

2. Focusing on being visible to those who would support my work

I realised that judgement and rejection from the external world (including friends, family and randoms on social media) WOULD have an impact on me. I’m not a sociopath with no feelings, so of course other people’s opinions are going to affect me- especially when I’m still building up my OWN belief. Creating a business means doing so much that is unfamiliar. It’s a huge learning curve, and I innately knew that having to contend with the outside world not believing in me or supporting my work, wasn’t particularly helpful. Which is why I chose to focus my efforts on becoming visible to people who would actually appreciate, understand and want my work. (and I made a course about this to help you do this, too).

3. Taking things one step at a time

For me, this looked like taking small, regular actions, rooted in a solid strategy that would help my work be seen by the right people. Now, I hit publish on a blog without any fear or overwhelm. I’ve found softer platforms that I feel good sharing and marketing my work on. I’ve told my family what I do (even if they still don’t quite get it). I can explain what I do, without fear that others won’t understand, because I now feel confident in my business, which means I naturally feel more comfortable with greater visibility.

4. Leaving social media.

For me, social media just didn’t feel good in my system. Instead of trying to convince myself otherwise, I created a solid, social-media free strategy that allows me to attract those who are meant to be in my business, without needing to rely on platforms that I fundamentally don’t align with. I now personally think that social media can actually be detrimental at the beginning stages of a business, when you’re still struggling to trust and believe in yourself. For me, social media is something that I’d feel far more inclined to use now that I feel comfortable with my business (but I’ve still decided to not use it- read more about this here).

It took me some time to become comfortable becoming visible online, which I now don’t see as a bad thing at all. In our world, it’s become the norm to rush through things, to grow, and change and move so quickly. To force ourselves to “get over blocks”. Yet for me, it felt important to move through the evolution of me and my business, at a pace that felt right for my system and sensitivities.

A big part of this was learning to work WITH, rather than ON myself, preventing loops of sabotage, self-criticism and procrastination, and instead taking action from a place of acceptance and feeling empowered in where I was.

Looking back, I’ve seen how this slower approach has actually given me deep insight into how to create a really sustainable business that now allows me to be naturally discoverable online, attracting the right people to my work, without having to be actively visible all the time.

Want to learn more?

Watch this free ‘Gentle Visibility’ video to discover my experiences and tips around creating a softer, more passive way to share and market your work online

Explore my audio course Growing a Business Without Social Media designed specifically to support sensitive, feminine led souls in business who want to become visible and attract customers and clients to their work in a way that feels safe and gentle.

Belinda 💓