The gifts of your feminine being cannot be extracted, they must unfold and bloom
Something that I have found with gifts that are more predominantly encased within the frequencies of the feminine (the intangible, the heart-felt, the non-quantifiable), is that we cannot force them into being.
We cannot exploit the interiority of our feminine path, just to make our outer selves feel more comfortably received (or to make others around us feel more comfortable).
Most of the women drawn to my work are used to feeling the ongoing pressure to orient themselves to the world through a deeply masculinised version of who they truly are.
A version of self that demands a certain adherence to constructs of achievement, productivity and success that have been defined according to a world that over-emphasises masculine expressions of externality, linearity and mind-based clarity.
Yet the deeper gifts of the feminine don’t lie in this realm.
The feminine works through more intangible expressions that are not so much about what we are doing, producing and achieving externally, but more so about who we are Being. Feminine being is the soft ground that lies beneath tangible outcomes and actions.
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One of the deepest ways that we unconsciously push aside the vitality of our feminine being and deeper gifts, is by believing that unless something can be be easily linearised, quantified or extrinsically measured, it is not valid.
I have seen how this causes many feminine-essenced souls to push, force or contort their gifts, expression and knowledge into something that is outwardly perceived to be more valuable. Something more immediately validating to the outer world.
I have seen this arise in business and creativity, where there can be deep struggles to believe in and share one’s gifts if they are less tangible or “solution” focused. Where there can be a sense of ‘there are so many people already doing/offering that’- not realising that for a feminine being, the ‘commodity’ offered within the business is secondary to the distinctive way that one’s inner value, gifts and soul are expressed through the outer business.
I have also seen this arise in relationship, where some of the deepest expressions of the feminine nature- receptivity, tenderness, radiance, heart- are not nurtured, protected and valued by a woman, but instead pushed down and diminished in the normalised flurry to “get things done.”
As women, we so often do not believe that our feminine essence is actually the most potent gift of all. Or, alternatively, we misunderstand our feminine being as being something that we have to perform externally, or work towards to ‘achieve’.
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Our feminine gifts are usually not given time to bloom naturally and fully.
Instead, a women is very often taught to treat herself with a level of force that is deeply violent to the feminine soul. Violence is a strong word, I know. But if we reflect on the many ways that we have been taught to ignore our deeper essence, override our bodily wisdom and push ourselves to meet arbitrary expectations that are not rooted in organic expression, we can see the harsh way our culture conditions us to relate to our inner feminine landscape.
It is a conditioning that prevents us from honouring interiority, naturalness and the depth of feminine being, and instead teaches us to push and override our deeper beings for the sake of extrinsic norms that often require much artificial contorting and pushing to achieve.
Yet the feminine being refuses to yield to this type of force.
What I have seen, is that if this force is consistently inflicted on a woman’s feminine being, her gifts and expression will have no choice but to burrow deeper into the interiority of her soul while the distorted masculine that she has internalised as ‘the way’ runs the show.
She forgets the ancient feminine ways that celebrated tending, not pushing. Nurturing, not forcing. Softening, not striving. Listening, resting, receiving. Deepening internal roots. Honouring feminine rhythms. Allowing for natural bloom. Letting things birth naturally, without rushing and forcing them into being.
She forgets the healing power of speaking with deep tenderness and love to her (often unconsciously grief-ridden) feminine heart, as she creates a fertile space for her feminine being to unfurl.
There can be much resistance to reclaiming this softened process, as a woman bumps up against the inevitable outer pressure to masculinise her feminine being, to rush her feminine gifts into expression, to distort herself into something that can be more tangibly received.
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Something that is so important to remember in all of this, is that the feminine being contains deep value in and of herself. The gifts of the feminine do not need to have a function beyond what they inherently are.
Or, to put it differently, the purpose of our feminine being is not found in the subsequent outcome our feminine gifts produce- instead, the function exists in the gift itself.
Much like a piece of art does not have a utilitarian function that can be explained in logical terms, but rather, is inherently purposeful in its being.
Much like reading a piece of poetry does not provide us with practical or linear knowledge, but instead, nestles directly into our senses and weaves intangibly into our soul.
Much like the way we may pepper our homes with objects that we cannot ‘use’, but rather, evoke beauty, feeling, a sense of home.
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This deeper, more intangible value of the feminine and her gifts is something that we can often grapple with. I know that for me, it has taken me some time to truly believe in the value of my gifts that are not rooted in some kind of extrinsic function, or do not serve as a bridge to some kind of clear ‘outcome.’
Yet more and more, I am believing in the value that is found in that which is deeply and unapologetically intangible. The relational, the beautiful, the poetic, the subjective, the artistic, the tender, the graceful, the soft, the inward.
This of course isn’t to say that there is no value in that which is more externally functional and utility based, that which is more tangibly seen, that which solves and fixes, that which has a precise and explainable purpose. Of course these expressions and modes of external production are deeply valuable in our world.
Yet in our over-exaltation of this more masculine expression, we devalue the less tangible gifts that stem from the sensibilities of the feminine soul.
And this is something that I have seen deeply impacting the woman who holds deep feminine gifts, causing a lot of confusion and doubt around her natural gifts, desires, expression, pace and path.
This devaluing of feminine gifts can show up for a woman as a subtle pressure to make things more practical and tangible than what they are actually seeking to be naturally expressed as.
To hold back and distill the subjective ground of her feminine being, and instead try to figure out what would make more objective sense to more people.
To diminish gifts, expressions and creations that don’t solve, fix, or have an outcome-oriented purpose.
To brush aside and play down the deep significance that the unseen, the interior, the intangible has within her life.
To stay quiet unless she has something that is objectively ‘provable’ or seeming to meet an external, sensical function.
To diminish the unspoken knowledge of her feminine feeling body and spiritual heart, and instead feel pressured to make sense of everything through the lens of the intellect.
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Yet something that is vital to remember is this:
When we try to interact with our feminine being in an objective, linear, outcome-focused way, we distill the potency, naturalness and truth of our deeper essence.
When we try to force our feminine gifts to adhere only to functionality and utility, we lose the beauty and intrinsic value they naturally hold.
When we base the value of our feminine gifts on how ‘productive’ or externally validated they are, we lose the beauty of our feminine unfolding.
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Our feminine being does not need to be justified or explained within the masculinised measures of value that most of us have internalised as what we should be striving towards. Our feminine gifts are not “achieved.” They cannot be learnt through the mind-based transmission of knowledge that sits as the overarching paradigm of modern education (yet they can of course marry with these taught skills in a way that supports, rather than overrides or diminishes the gifts of the feminine).
Instead, our feminine gifts are activated internally, in harmony with how deeply they can be received and held in our beings. They bloom naturally from our subjective experiences, from the deep springs of the feminine core of our being. They ripen naturally, when the grounds of our feminine soul are watered with beauty, tenderness, agenda-less connection, gentle curiosity and devotion to something deeper than the mind has been entrained to see.
Our feminine gifts just are.
They are received by others in a way that is sensed and felt, beyond what is logical and quantifiable. They contain inherent value, in and of themselves, at whatever state of unfolding they may be in. They are effortlessly infused into all of our “doing,” and weaved within the fabric of our more outward, tangible expression in the world.
When we truly begin receiving this truth, this is when we can soften into the gifts of feminine being. Not trying to be what we are not, not thinking that our unfurling should look a different way, not trying to push and rush our gifts, not looking outwardly for others to tell us what is valuable.
Not trying to extract what is not ready from our Being, but instead, trusting, becoming and blooming in our own way, pace and time.
Belinda x
hi, i’m belinda
Writer and founder of Soul & Self, an online space for women to reclaim their feminine nature, recognise their true value and restore their natural gifts, pace and path. If you’re a deep-hearted woman wanting to soften into your femininity, a gentle solopreneur craving respite from the ‘shoulds’ of the business world, or a feminine creative longing to share and sell your gifts in a softer way, you’re in the right place. Start here.