Women- Let’s Say No to This Constant Need to Optimise Ourselves

We're women, not machines.

We’re not designed to be constantly optimised. We’re designed to unfold in our own unique way, guided by the intelligence and natural design that’s written into our cells.

Yet somehow, the world has us convinced that our purpose in life is to consistently better ourselves. As though if we’re not constantly striving to improve and optimise ourselves, we’re somehow wasting our lives.

If we don’t have every minute of our day accounted for, we’re not using our time wisely.

If we’re not optimally happy and thriving in every area of our lives, then we’re somehow missing our potential.

There’s always something we’re told we could be doing better. Eating better. Doing more exercise. Removing toxins from our houses. Becoming more spiritual. Being happier. Healing our emotional wounds. Creating our dream life. Making more money. Making our relationships more “conscious.”

This relentless expectation that we need to be always striving for more is mirrored everywhere. It’s seen in our education systems. It’s seen in the multi billion dollar self help and personal development industry. It’s seen in the business world. It’s seen in the way we perceive progress as equating predominantly to productivity, convenience and external achievement.

Yet as relational, deep feeling women, I see this way of living as so detrimental to our souls.

This constant focus on optimising ourselves and our lives is diametrically opposed to what truly nourishes a woman’s soul.

It robs us of our innate desire to soften into our natural selves, and instead, convinces us that we’re not enough as we are.

This way of living fails to recognise the softness and the non-linearity of life. It fails to acknowledge the divine roots of our human hearts and our need for agenda-less and true connection.

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I notice that when women speak to me about wanting to make changes in their lives, they’ve been conditioned to believe that the only way to do this is to strive and force themselves to change.

They’ve been told that the key to make their lives better, is in doing more.

They’re taught to “stay accountable.” Exercise more. Have a morning routine. Chant affirmations. Read Atomic Habits. Fix their childhood wounds. Start a manifestation practice. Listen to another podcast.

All actions generated from the subtle subconscious suggestion that right now, they are somehow lacking. That these actions will get them to where they should be. To who they should be.

Yet in this constant need to optimise the self, women are being inadvertently convinced to reject their feminine essence.

I have seen that a rejection of this essence leads to an endless loop of striving to be more, yet never feeling quite enough.

Because when you’re constantly focused on needing to optimise and improve yourself, you start to believe that every action you take must be a means to an end, instead of an agenda-less experience of your own inner beauty, radiance and grace.

Which is why I constantly return to the sentiment of softening, over striving. Because it’s this softening that is the central to our fulfilment as women. It’s what balances out the relentless conditioning we’ve been exposed to that strips us of our feminine essence. This softening process is far more powerful than any attempts to optimise our lives can ever be.

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And while it can sound so simple, it’s actually one of the most challenging things a woman can do. Not because the process of softening in itself is hard, but because the majority of the world is convincing you to do the exact opposite.

The world constantly convinces a woman that it’s not safe to soften. That she’ll fall behind in life. That she won’t be worthy enough. That she’ll lose control. That she won’t be deserving of her desires if she doesn’t “earn” them.

I created Soul & Self because I know how easy it is to be convinced out of your own naturalness and feminine truths. There have been so many times that I felt like I needed to over-explain myself, compromise myself, and break my feminine integrity for the sake of an outcome or external expectation that I thought I “should” be meeting.

Soul & Self is as much a reminder to my own feminine soul, as it is to yours. A reminder that we don’t need to be pushing, striving and forcing our way through life just to achieve what it is we’ve been told we “should”. We don’t need to be continually optimising ourselves to meet external expectations. Instead, we can soften into a life that honours and allows us to deeply value and trust our natural selves and unique unfolding.

Belinda 💓

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