Healing the Martyr Wound to Restore Your Feminine Energy

A belief that runs deeply in the feminine being is the idea that she is responsible for everyone and everything.

This can be referred to as The Martyr Wound, and it’s something that sits in the cells of most women due to the conditioning and expectations that have been a part of our lives, and the lives of our mothers, grandmothers and female ancestors.

The martyr wound is what makes women feel overly responsible for the world around them. It tethers a woman to external expectations and diminishes the natural expression of her femininity.

Because while women have a natural desire to help, serve and nurture, if this desire isn’t anchored in a strong sense of God-sourced worth, then the desire can become distorted, cutting a woman off from her feminine essence.

When a woman doesn’t feel and believe in the value she intrinsically holds, she seeks externally to be validated through what she can do for others.

She starts basing her value on how needed she is, which activates patterns of over giving, over compensating and sacrificing her true nature.

Instead of walking the path of the feminine that she has been naturally gifted, she unconsciously burdens herself with needing to change, fix, help and manage others.

In doing so, she depletes her own feminine energy, and encourages those around her to become dependent on her- a disempowering pattern that can lead to unhealthy relationships and situations.

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When a woman believes she is responsible for everyone around her, she stops feeling safe to live from her natural femininity, and instead creates an armour of masculinity around her.

She becomes trapped in the mind, worrying and wondering if what she’s doing is enough, unable to soften into the safety of her true essence.

She doubts that she can be loved, appreciated and valued, unless she is solving, fixing and helping.

This leads to an unconscious distrust in her own naturalness, and a dimming of her true value.

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In romantic relationships, this can look like being unable to soften and receive the love of a partner- instead, over giving, over doing and leading the relationship. Often this shows up in trying to manage the emotional needs of her partner, or taking responsibility for everything in the relationship.

At work, this can look like a woman always going above and beyond, at the expense of her own needs (family, relationship, wellbeing). It can look like over delivering and micromanaging. It can look like worrying about how she is being perceived if she doesn’t constantly do more.

In business, this can look like trying to solve everybody’s problems, rather than focusing on what she is truly here to offer the world. It can look like being on call 24-7 and thinking that clients or customers need hand holding through things that they actually don’t. It can mean feeling stressed and overwhelmed trying to figure out what content or services to create that will please and help everyone.

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The problem with allowing this over responsibility to dictate your being, is that it’s unsustainable for the feminine soul. It depletes and drains, rather than enlivens and inspires. It diminishes a woman’s natural radiance and ability to attract what will truly sustain her.

Even though the martyr wound is traditionally feminine, the way it has been distorted, means that instead of a woman’s martyring being directed at God (by way of surrendering her false self and softening into her authentic being), she has been taught to martyr herself to the expectations of the world. This keeps a woman trapped in cycles of leading from her masculine, which in the end, makes her feel undervalued, unseen, unloved and unsupported.

So even though she may gain initial recognition and approval, this type of validation can never fulfil her deeper feminine needs.

Because a woman craves to be seen, known and loved for who she naturally is, not for how much she can do for others in the world.

The path of the feminine is deeply internal, and so a woman will only find her deepest fulfilment when she connects back into her own essence and heart.

The place where she can access her own approval, through the eyes of God, not the eyes of the world.

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When a woman softens into her own naturalness and femininity, she no longer feels the need to be responsible for others. Instead, she gives naturally and freely, in alignment with her gifts, energy and heart.

She allows others to be responsible for themselves, knowing that her true responsibility is to love and nurture her being, receive the beauty of life, and cultivate her connection to God.

When she does have responsibilities that require inherent sacrifice (for example, parenting), she is sourced from her feminine radiance, knowing that she can relax into the support of her partner, life, God, to help her carry out her natural responsibilities.

This does require a deep degree of trust. Trust that others are available to support (and capable of supporting). Trust that life is inherently supportive of the feminine nature. Trust that others will find their way through their own inherent sense of sovereignty and self-responsibility, without her needing to control, fix, solve or manage.

When this deep trust is present, she feels secure that her innate desire to nurture and serve won’t be taken advantage of. Instead, it will be received in its natural feminine expression and organic fullness of heart.

Belinda x

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