Softening into natural pace, trusting timing and growing 'sideways.'

Something that I've had to really learn to trust in is the timing of things. Which means understanding how so much of what we do, even when it doesn't produce a seemingly tangible result, is still so valuable.

This is something I write about a lot- the nature of the intangible and unseen as not being as valued in our society as the seen and the easily measured are. And I truly think that this causes so many women to doubt their paths and the natural pace of their healing and growth.

Our feminine natures are deeply attuned to the different octaves of life. Yet when we're conditioned to focus on masculine models of living our lives, we start believing that growth is one-directional and linear. We are led away from the beauty of adding octaves and deeper layers to our experience, and instead are convinced to focus on always growing upwards.

The intangibles of our world are very often ignored, because we can't quantify or measure them directly. And we can easily see how this perspective has transpired in our world- the focus on doing and producing externally, more and more quickly, can seem relentless.

~

This has been a pattern of mine for a lot of my life. In year 7, I entered high school on a full academic scholarship, so was automatically put into an accelerated program to complete year 7 and 8 in one year- after this, I was expected to join year 9 with the grade above me. After finishing this year, I asked to stay with my own year group, and do year 8 again, this time as a full year. The teachers weren't so impressed with this, and they told me that I would be “going backwards.”

This happened a few more times over my high school years, where I often chose what was seen as the “easier” option, instead of taking the accelerated classes. But for me, it wasn't because it was easier (well, sometimes it was!) But at a deeper level, it was also because I felt like I was missing something vital by striding through things, through experiences, just to meet a final goal that some-one else had placed upon me.

Being in the workplace as a teacher, and now in my own business, I see the same pattern arising. Looking around and watching the pace at which things are done. Feeling the unspoken expectations that I should be producing externally and upwards, at a certain rate. Watching how it has become normal to produce (and consume) at a rate that seems far away from our natural pace.

Yet I have found that we miss out on so much when we disregard the intangible. And we also start to diminish the validity of our internal experiences when we only focus on outer growth and the things that can be directly seen. Which in turn, makes us diminish our inherent natures as women. A nature that is inherently fuelled by the unseen, more intangible realms of the feminine.

When I decided to not skip ahead into year 9, I remember some-one reassured me with, “You're not moving backwards. You're just moving sideways.” This makes me think about the idea of horizontal growth- a way of growing that sees us deepening and broadening, instead of constantly aiming higher.

I often see this with clients, where they have a desire to deepen into growth, rather than continually ‘rise.’ (sometimes this desire is hidden behind lots of ‘shoulds’). Yet when they soften into this true desire, they often feel guilt or shame, or as though there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being motivated to keep growing and achieving in a very upwards way.

I have found that for the feminine-essenced women I work with, the linear, outer growth that they’ve been taught to focus on, needs to be deeply supported through inward growth.

I equate this to the way a plant grows. Where before it even sprouts, there is so much going on beneath the ground. Roots are anchoring, foundations are being set. There is a descent, before the bloom.

~

For women, our sense of worth is deeply internalised. While outer experiences can give us confidence and help us develop trust in ourselves, it is the inner foundation that is key to how safe we feel to do and achieve in the external world.

Which is why often men can be so bemused at the internal loops that we traverse through before doing something externally (and why we can be so bemused about their inability to perceive the same nuances and inner subtleties of a situation that we do).

Yet as feminine beings, when we take the time to nurture the inner quality of our growth, as opposed to just striving towards an external outcome, we cultivate a fullness and depth of experience within us that is so vital to our feminine fulfilment.

And in this, the naturally-paced progression of our outward expressions aren’t just things we’ve ‘achieved’, but are instead an organic reflection of our inner experience, infused with the unseen richness of our feminine hearts.

Belinda x

p.s delve deeper into this inner texture of the feminine essence here