Why the feminine does not need to be entirely understood (and letting go of the safety of masculine expression)
In our world, it can often feel safer for a woman to default to her masculine aspects, even if this is not the natural space from which she truly thrives.
One of the deepest roots of this, is because masculine expression is inherently rooted in mind-based assertion and tangible form, and as a result, is more easily understandable, (and therefore often acceptable) to those around us.
We feel safe because we can construct (or more often, contort) ourselves into a form that we know will be validated by the overriding societal templates that are more overtly celebrated and rewarded, in both material and emotional ways (in other words, being in our masculine expression has traditionally meant greater financial compensation, as well as being more readily accepted, understood, celebrated and approved of in general)
Our feminine natures, however, are not as easily understandable. The deep interiority and watery vastness of the feminine path does not necessarily “fit” into many of the frameworks that we are used to living, working, relating and creating within.
If you are a feminine-essenced woman offering your service to the world via a business or some form of creative expression, you have no doubt felt the subtle push of contortion from conventional business paradigms, that silently demands you replicate the templates for business success that are readily understood and have been proven to “work.”
Yet this is also reflected in a far broader sense beyond business and creation, where as women, we can very often become fragmented from our true path, natural design and deepest union, because of how we have been unwittingly tethered to the false idea that our deeper feminine essence must be completely understood and definable within a masculine framework of perception.
This is something that has at some level laced the lives and creative processes of all of the women I have worked with.
And I have found that not being consciously aware of this tension between internal feminine design and masculinised ideals of externality, is what drives many women to relentlessly push and force against their very Being, as they inadvertently siphon the fulfilment inherent in their feminine nature.
It is what keeps a woman tethered to the insistent belief that her feminine value must be able to be quantified, understood and accepted before she is able to soften into her femininity. When in reality, it is only through resting firmly in the non-quantified value of her essence, that the true value of her feminine nature is able to be embraced and seen externally- in a way that complements and enhances, rather than lessens, diminishes or attempts to override masculine structures.
Something that is vital to know in relation to this (and explains why we may feel like we are repeatedly needing to re-extract ourselves from this pattern of contortion), is that there is a deep surrender of control that is required if we wish to soften into the roots of our raw femininity, natural gifts and pure essence of being as women.
This surrender of control means unravelling from needing to be understood in the ways that we have taught we should be.
It means letting go of the need to make perfect sense.
It means unclenching from the conditioned belief that we must always intellectualise, rationalise and explain ourselves, our decisions, our instincts.
It means allowing others to receive us as they wish (not how our ego necessarily wants them to).
It means dropping defences and not hiding behind our carefully protected layers of perfection.
It means releasing the need to tangibly express the vastness of our Beings- and softening into the truth that in fact, many things are actually more potent when they remain unspoken and free to dance in the unseen substance of feminine perception.
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Something that I have had to become very intimate with in my own business and life, is the knowing that it can take a long time (usually, longer than what is societally acceptable) for my feminine perception to be formulated into something that can be understood in form. And even then, it often does not feel complete. It does not feel like I have translated it properly or entirely.
There is sometimes still that perfectionistic, mind-driven desire to have things make exact sense through the celebrated frameworks of achievement and validation that I (alongside most women) have been been taught for most of my life to strive towards.
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Sometimes else that I have been noticing, on the other edge of this spectrum and particularly in relation to business and creation, is that the dance in the unseen realms can also feel very safe to our feminine beings. Because when we remain nestled in the internal realms, we do not need to expose ourselves to the denser world of form- a place where suddenly, we are nudging up against the perceptions of those who may not understand.
As a culture, we have not done so well at gently alchemising this primordial-cultural tension that exists within the organic feminine nature.
In fact, there often seem to be only two extremes available. Either keep our feminine hidden in the unformed spaces of creation, or, completely override the true essence of the feminine, and become hooked into the compulsive need to quickly transform our feminine interiority into acceptable forms of externality (a compulsion that sees many online 24/7, churning out and consuming content at a pace that ravages the integrity of the feminine and creates an arid attachment to outer perception and approval).
Yet what I continue to see, is that the deeper essence of our femininity does not thrive under these conditions.
The feminine nature needs tending to in a way that allows her to feel safe to take up space in the material world, to be received and seen, even when she is not presenting in a way that is entirely understandable within more tangible frameworks.
In order to do this, our feminine beings need space to breathe, rest, tend and surrender.
To allow pieces to be incomplete, without rushing to make everything 'done.'
To allow things to simmer in the ethers, as the texture deepens and the form unfolds, without unnatural force or artificial expectation.
To be received in essence, not just form, knowing that there is a deeper internality that does not need to be tangibly externalised, nor received, all at once (or ever).
To allow the unspoken to exist and the unseen to be felt.
To find the sweetness of feminine being and rest in the knowledge that this inner perception of truth will naturally permeate into the external realms in the exact way that it is meant to.
Belinda x
hi, i’m belinda
Writer and founder of Soul & Self, an online space for women to reclaim their feminine nature, recognise their true value and restore their natural gifts, pace and path. If you’re a deep-hearted woman wanting to soften into your femininity, a gentle solopreneur craving respite from the ‘shoulds’ of the business world, or a feminine creative longing to share and sell your gifts in a softer way, you’re in the right place. Start here.